Make Love Work

Whether you call it betrayal, cheating, infidelity or something else doesn’t change the fact that it’s probably one of the most painful episodes you’ll ever go through. The pain of infidelity can be cured, if you choose to try to restore the relationship and forgive. At this point, the pain your feeling may be beyond description. It may be that forgiveness doesn’t make much sense now, but there are advantages. You might be doing this because your feelings for him are still strong, but an even more important reason is that you’re doing it for yourself. There are so many ways that forgiving him and rebuilding the relationship will benefit you as well. Don’t misunderstand – forgiving infidelity is something you can do only once in a relationship.  If this is a pattern, or if he repeats his bad behavior, you’ve got to toss him to the curb. If he’s really sincere about rebuilding the relationship, then try these five steps:

Healing Infidelity Tip #1

The first step is this: sit down and have an honest talk with him about his infidelity. You’ve got to find out the real reason underlying his betrayal, which is why, no matter how hard it is to talk about, you’ve got to do it. Perhaps he thought that your feelings for him had cooled down, or maybe he just had a crisis of self-confidence. When he gives his account of his actions, don’t be judgmental and accusing.  If he’s sincere, he feels bad enough now, and you probably can’t say anything to him he hasn’t said himself. This conversation is a crucial part of the healing process, because you’ll be able to judge the depth of his sincerity and determination to rebuild the relationship.

Healing Infidelity Tip #2

The second step is to uncork your emotions. There’s a great deal of emotion bottled up inside you now. You need to let your emotions out, but don’t do it in a harmful way. Drugs and alcohol, for instance, are far more likely to harm you than let you deal with your emotions. There are healthy ways to express your pain. Two good ways to vent your emotions are to write about them in a journal, or start a regular workout routine and express yourself through the exertion of the workouts. However, don’t store those emotions inside you – in the long run, it will harm your mental health. Even crying is a good option – as long as you let go of them. You cannot move on – you cannot restore the relationship – if you haven’t healed yourself.

Healing Infidelity Tip #3

The third step may be the hardest, because the third step is to forgive. You already decided that you want to forgive him – now’s the time to do it. Now’s the time to let the past stay in the past.  You’ve already said you want to forgive him – now’s the time to live up to that determination. Your love for him will give you the strength to forgive him.

Healing Infidelity Tip #4

The fourth step is to spend some time with a psychologist or other mental health professional or adviser. Your relationship needs some professional help, and that means each of you should talk with a counselor. An alternative would be to sit down together with a trusted friend, someone who’s been through what you’re going through. You’ll need to pay attention to what he says, too.  You’ll learn from it. Don’t waste your time, or your friend’s by pointing fingers or being judgmental. You can’t rescue the relationship yourself, and he certainly can’t do it on his own.  It needs the two of your working together.

Healing Infidelity Tip #5

The fifth and final step is to acknowledge that what’s done is done.  Put it behind you and move on. It will take time for the two of you, working together, to overcome the pain caused by his betrayal. Betrayal’s pain doesn’t get healed overnight, so don’t expect that.  It’s generally take you longer to heal, since you were the one who was hurt. The healing will come faster, though, if you can look forward and do your best to let go of the past.

Few things approach the pain of infidelity.  For the sake of your relationship, I hope that the steps here will help you overcome yours. No matter how hard we try, we all make mistakes. We decide if we’re going to react badly to such bad experiences, or if we’re going to learn and grow from them.

If you found these tips helpful also check out: move past an affair and healing an affair.

Tags: forgiving infidelity, healing infidelity, how to move past an affair

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 2nd, 2010 at 4:37 pm and is filed under make love work. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.